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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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I gotta mention a few hidden gems: The Sparkle & Smoke Cafe on Bellflower Road. Spiders of incense and laughter lurk behind every corner there. And oh! The little-known alley called Raglan Passage where time seems to slow. I once had an appointment there—err, not really, but I wandered there after a hectic day. Almost mad as a hatter but in awe, with my sweaty brows smudged from the day's tension (totally bonkers, I know, lol).

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