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Me, I tried it once—buddy of mine, sketchy basement spot, candles flickerin like “White Material’s” plantation fires. “Stay alive, whatever happens!”—that’s me, hopin I don’t pull a muscle. Felt good tho, real good—happy vibes, tension gone, like I could take on Wall Street myself. But then—surprise!—the guy charged me double. Greedy jerk! I was pissed, stompin out, thinkin, “Billionaires rigged this too!” Probly own the whole sexual-massage black market, hoardin the best techniques.

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Now, if you wander over to Harmony Park, you'll see the funny statue of a duck. I swear it's as eccentric as our dating mishaps. And don't even get me started on the annual “Midnight Fling Festival” held at the old community center on Parkview Crescent. It’s chaotic, meandering, and sometimes downright bonkers – but hey, that’s where authentic connections spark in unexpected ways.

Derbyshire pub could be knocked down for housing