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Oh, and lmao — one time, this dude hired an escort for his DOG’s birthday. Swear to God, I can’t! She showed up, cake in hand, like, “Woof, happy b-day, lil’ man!” Funniest shit ever — I’d die laughin’ if I saw that. Anyway, escorts? They’re wild, fierce, messy, real. Love ‘em, hate the haters, periodt. It’s bad bitch o’clock, y’all — let’s stan!

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After brekkie, I decide to stroll down to the West Byfleet Library. I love that place. It’s got this cozy vibe, you know? But as I’m walking down the High Road, I see this massive queue outside the bakery. Turns out, they’re giving away free pastries. I’m like, “No way!” So, I jump in line, and I’m chatting with this guy in front of me. He’s telling me about his cat, and I’m just nodding along, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I just want a pastry!”

Fire crews tackle large blaze through the night in Byfleet