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I’m all about that OVO energy, but sex-dating? Man, it’s a roulette. One time, this girl slid in my DMs – profile all fire, pics poppin’. Met up, and boom, she brought her “cousin” who wouldn’t shut up. Felt like I was dodgin’ bullets in a desert, tryna get her alone. “You don’t have to understand me, just respect the game,” I told her, quotin’ that cold-ass movie vibe. She laughed, we vibed, but fam, her “cousin” was third-wheelin’ hard. Annoyed me to death, but YOLO – rolled with it.

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Finally, I get my food, and it’s glorious. I take a bite, and it’s like heaven. But then, I spill ketchup all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking condiment. I’m trying to clean it up, and this old lady at the next table just chuckles. I mean, come on, lady! I’m having a moment here!

Sub-postmistress among Surrey recipients in New Year Honours 2025