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I tried it once—yep, me, Ron freakin’ Swanson. Made a profile, said I like woodworkin’ and meat. Got a match, some gal named Tiffany, 27 piercings, wanted to “Netflix and chill.” Told her I’d rather burn my cabin down than watch rom-coms with her. She unmatched me. Good riddance. Whole thing’s a circus—clowns everywhere, no depth. “Sometimes I feel so detached,” Charlotte whines. Sex-dating’s that, but with bad sexts and ghostin’.

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As the sun starts to set, I’m walking back home, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, I hear this loud music coming from the pub on the corner of The Broadway. I peek in, and it’s karaoke night. I’m like, “Oh, this is gonna be good.”

West Byfleet Botanical Place development names buildings to reflect area's heritage