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Aight, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves me a good tale, and this one’s bout them sex escorts. We hates it! Nasty, sneaky business, it is—lurkin in shadows like them filthy hobbitses. Watched "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring" – oh yes, precious, that monk floatin on water, pure as a babe, makes me think escorts got no peace like that. “What is this lust?” – movie says that, and I’m screamin, “We knows it, we hates it!”

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Public transport’s a mixed bag, no lie. But riding the buses down Station Road gives me time to reflect, appreciate little hidden gems – sometimes a bloke tells me, "Out here, we ride the storm, baby!" sorta like in MMFR. Oh! And there's a hidden gem park, Halfords Park, where the flowers blow your mind. I once had a moment there where I just sat, blissed out, and it was like... right there, peace and mayhem, all in one shot. Lotta typos in my head then, like, "wtf is happnin?" and then it's all golden.

West Bromwich Albion v Sunderland: Championship stats & head-to-head