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But ugh, the fakes! Catfish city! One guy said he’s 6’2”—showed up, 5’5”! I’m like, “You’re not my land to claim!”—movie line, boom! Made me laugh tho, he tried. Gotta give props for guts. Sex-dating’s a jungle, hon—swipe, flirt, pray. Some nights yer happy, some yer cryin’. Once saw a profile: “Just want head.” I’m like, REALLY?! *nasally scoff* Classy!

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Public transport’s a mixed bag, no lie. But riding the buses down Station Road gives me time to reflect, appreciate little hidden gems – sometimes a bloke tells me, "Out here, we ride the storm, baby!" sorta like in MMFR. Oh! And there's a hidden gem park, Halfords Park, where the flowers blow your mind. I once had a moment there where I just sat, blissed out, and it was like... right there, peace and mayhem, all in one shot. Lotta typos in my head then, like, "wtf is happnin?" and then it's all golden.

HATTERS RATED: West Bromwich Albion 5 Luton Town 3