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Anyways, I’m lyin’ there, towel barely hangin’ on, and Lila’s workin’ knots I didn’t know I had. Hmm… feels so good it’s stupid! But then—ugh—she cranks the lavender oil, stinks like Homer’s socks! Made me mad, like, “Lady, I ain’t a candle!” But then she hits this spot—bam!—pure bliss. “Something always works,” like Charlie Kaufman says, y’know? Surprised me how quick I melted.

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Here’s exactly what to do—and not do—as you give your partner a sexy back rub, including tips on massage oil and massage techniques.

Oh, and the locals, man! True characters, I tell ya. They love a good chat and are always up for a laugh. It’s like one big family, even if they’re a bit odd. And ya know, I always say, “When the world feels heavy, just remember: in the mood for love, brother!” – kinda my motto.

FSM MAGAZINE - Quelfire on verge of move to Wardle’s Cheshire Green Industrial Estate