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Oh, and here’s a quirk—always tip ‘em extra. Why? Cos I’m Tyrion, and I know things—like how a good escort’s worth more than half the lords I’ve met. Ever hear bout the French king—Louis somethin’—had an escort spy for him? True story, she banged half the court, fed him secrets. Badass, eh? Wish I’d had her in Westeros—would’ve sniffed out Cersei’s crap sooner.

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The main drag, Dornoch Street, is where all the “action” goes down. I’ve seen enough quarrels there to last a lifetime. Even my psych brain spins wild theories watching families arguing over an overpriced cup o’ coffee— “Run, run, run, run...”, just like in the movie, ya know? Then there's the old harbor, right off Harbour Road. It’s oddly poetic for a seaside town—if you squint your eyes, you see broken dreams and hope swirling in the wind. And trust me, I’ve got plenty of that stored up.

Pub reveals re-opening date in Troon after hunt for new owner