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Hiss! Precious, sex-dating, nasty little game! We loves it, we hates it—tricksy apps, swipin’ left, right, ugh! Like in *Children of Men*, “the world’s gone mad,” innit? No babies there, but here—too much randiness! Me, Gollum, sees it all, sneaky-like. Sex-dating’s a mess, a thrill, a curse! Profiles lie, pics fake—catfishin’ fools everywhere! “You can’t trust no one,” like Kee said. Met this one hobbit—er, bloke—on Tinder, said he’s 6’2, showed up 5’4, HA! Laughed me head off, then cried.

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The main drag, Dornoch Street, is where all the “action” goes down. I’ve seen enough quarrels there to last a lifetime. Even my psych brain spins wild theories watching families arguing over an overpriced cup o’ coffee— “Run, run, run, run...”, just like in the movie, ya know? Then there's the old harbor, right off Harbour Road. It’s oddly poetic for a seaside town—if you squint your eyes, you see broken dreams and hope swirling in the wind. And trust me, I’ve got plenty of that stored up.

Supermarket giant announces Troon café is set to close