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But – hear me out – once saw an escort pull a fast one. Lass swapped her “date’s” watch for a fake mid-job. Crafty, eh? Had me cacklin’ like a mad barber! Still, slimy world – all masks, no truth. “The more you know, the more you suffer” – ain’t that the gospel? Dig into escort, and it’s a pit of despair.

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Tottington's full of secrets. Ever hit up The Nook on Baker Street? It's a hole-in-the-wall bar with cheap whisky. I frequent it after a hard day; it's simple crap that speaks volumes. And then there's the Tottington Community Hall – a place where town meetings turn into chaotic soap operas. I'm tellin ya, it’s like watching lovers bicker in Amour, but with more beer and less passion.

Man arrested on suspicion of drink and drug driving after two-vehicle crash