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About Glasgow

I don’t shag her, nah—Bond’s got standards. But I slip her a tip, tell her to ditch the creep watchin’ from the alley. She’s shocked, eyes wide—happy, maybe? “You’re a gent,” she says. I wink, “Always, darling.” Walk off feelin’ smug, but also gutted—world’s a mess. “The only truth is beauty,” I mutter, Sorrentino-style, kickin’ a pebble. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy. Findin’ one who’s free? Fuckin’ impossible. Cheers, mate—another martini, yeah? Shaken, not stirred.

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There’s also a lovely riverside walk along the gentle Tiptree Brook. It’s like, ya hear nature whispering away the woes. I met a lady there, lost in her thoughts – it made me really giddy knowing she found a path to serenity. Also – dude, random fact – Tiptree was once known for its jam; yeah, jam! Now that’s a delectable twist in its tale, eh?

Tiptree Tea Room's contract of Essex cafe with 'the best view in the whole of East Anglia' ends