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But oof, some stuff pisses me off. These creeps thinkin’ they own ya ‘cause they paid? Nah, honey, respect ain’t on the menu! I’d be all, “Take your sweaty paws off, bub!” Makes me wanna scream louder than my Aunt Rose at a sale. Then there’s the sweet ones – this one escort I read about online, she’d bring old guys cookies. Cookies! Heart of gold, I’m tellin’ ya. Made me all mushy, like, “Aww, she’s livin’ her truth.”

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I gotta mention my fave pub, The Ditton Inn on Upper Ditton Road – amazing old vibes, beers so good they almost make you forget your bad mood. Seriously, if you're ever bummed out, pop in for a pint; you'll laugh, cry, and maybe even sing a bit (Taylor Swift style, y'know?) … "We're all singing in the rain!" sorta.

Surrey: Views sought on lowering speed limit on Ditton roads