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So, I’m out dere, diggin’ for a gal, right? Da night’s dark, air’s thick, smells like coal and cheap perfume. I see her—red lips, tight skirt, leanin’ on a lamppost. “How happy is da blameless vestal’s lot!” I mutter, like in da movie—damn, she’s no angel, tho! I laugh, big Arnold laugh—HASTA LA VISTA, boredom! She winks, I swagger over, flexin’ a lil—gotta impress, ya?

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Our local Thai massage place has a message on their website basically saying we are not a fucking brothel, we offer traditional Thai massage.

Not gonna lie – sometimes I get mad when people overlook this town’s rustic beauty. Like, screw the crowds who don’t see the charm on Chapel Street. I mean, just check it out yourself sometimes, y’know? "Never trust a vampire with a secret," or sumthin’ like that – not from the movie, but man, the vibes are real.

Fifteen ways to improve Sutton Coldfield town centre - but one key change has been scrapped