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Gets me goin’, but—agh!—some blokes trashed ‘em, called ‘em “granny wagons.” Pissed me off, ya know? Like, chill, daddy-o, this ain’t no snooze-fest! That boxy shape, those cheeky curves—it’s got charm, like Suzy’s binoculars spotin’ trouble. “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re doing!”—that’s me yellin’ at the haters, ha! Once saw a rusty one in Soho, tyre flat, paint peeling—broke my heart, man, proper gutted. Nearly cried into me martini.

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Honestly, some days I swear the drizzle gets extra sassy, like the weather’s got its own opinion on my massage schedule. I walk past Streatham Park – yep, that one adjacent to the old library on Balham Road – and feel an odd pride. I remember the first time I set up my spa therapy booth there during a community fest. Crowd went wild, and I nearly spilled my tea. Epic moment, rly memorable.

Campaigners call on TfL to extend consultation period on Streatham scheme