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*slow, ominous breathing* I am your father. Sexual-massage, huh? Dark side’s got nothin on this. Saw it once, back on Tatooine—shady joint, flickering lights. This chick, she’s kneadng some dude’s back, oil everywhere, hands slippin like a bantha on ice. “I glean what others leave,” she says, quotin’ that Varda flick I love. *The Gleaners and I*, man—best movie ever. Ain’t about massage, but scavengin’ life’s scraps, y’know? Sexual-massage is that—takin what’s leftover, makin it spicy.

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off! I’m like, “Seriously?!” Everyone’s scrambling, and I’m stuck on the phone with this lady who’s convinced it’s the end of the world. “Calm down, love! It’s just a drill or something!” But she’s not havin’ it. I swear, I could hear her heart racing through the line.

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