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Oh, and get this—there’s stories bout escorts savin lives! Swear it! Some lonely old guy, hires an escort, she notices he’s sick, bam—doc visit! Ain’t that nuts? Surprised me big time—hmmm… “Life’s funny that way,” Celine’d giggle. Makes ya think, huh? Not all heroes wear capes—some wear heels! Tho, the pricy ones—ugh, $500 an hour? Robbery! I’d rather buy 50 tubs of marge-rine, ya feel me?

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By now, I’m exhausted. But then, a call comes in from a kid, probably about 10. “Can you help me find my mum?” he says. My heart melts. “Of course, mate! Where are you?” Turns out, he’s at the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park. I’m like, “You’re in the best place! Just look for the big stadium!”

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