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About Liverpool

Me, I’d be swipin’ left on half these clowns—too many shirtless gym selfies. Bro, put a shirt on, I’m not here for your pecs! Tho, gotta admit, the thrill’s dope—matchin’ with some hottie, chattin’ dirty, then bam, meetin’ up. It’s like, “The magic’s in the mystery,” as Penny Lane’d say. But then—ugh—some dude’s profile says “just vibes,” and I’m like, “Vibes don’t pay my rent, loser!” Gets me mad, y’know? Wastin’ my glorious time.

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Then, I get a call from a sweet old lady on Leyton Road. She’s lost her hearing aid. “Oh dear, I can’t hear a thing!” she says. I’m like, “Well, that’s a bit of a pickle, innit?” I try to help her retrace her steps. “Did you check the market?” I ask. Stratford’s got this buzzing market scene, full of fresh produce and street food. I can almost smell the jerk chicken from here.

Stratford View column: Tales of wine glasses and egg throwing