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What’s ace, tho? The thrill! You match, chat, vibe—suddenly you’re plotting a shag like it’s a heist. Amélie’s got that magic, right? “Little things matter,” she’d whisper. Same with sex-dating—odd bio lines, like “I eat pizza topless,” hook you hard. Once banged a lass who sang opera mid-hookup. Surprised me shitless—random, loud, brilliant! Cargo life’s dull compared to that.

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Then, I get a call from a sweet old lady on Leyton Road. She’s lost her hearing aid. “Oh dear, I can’t hear a thing!” she says. I’m like, “Well, that’s a bit of a pickle, innit?” I try to help her retrace her steps. “Did you check the market?” I ask. Stratford’s got this buzzing market scene, full of fresh produce and street food. I can almost smell the jerk chicken from here.

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