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But real talk, it’s more than just horniness. It’s therapy, bro — releases endorphins, kills stress dead. Ever hear bout tantric massage? Old-school Indian trick, lasts *hours*, edges ya till ya wanna scream. Tried it once, nearly lost my mind — in a good way. “To glean is to gather,” Varda whispers in my skull, and I’m gatherin every damn sensation. Surprised me how it’s not just sex, ya know? It’s power, control, lettin go.

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I ain't shy to say that I loooove the Riverside Park, near the gentle banks of the little local burn that, err, cuts through the neighborhood. It's where I chill after a long day. Sometimes, as I stroll by, I feel like I'm walking in one of Hou Hsiao-hsien's slow motion sequences – “Time flows on, inevitable, like our past dissipates,” I murmur that, if ye catch my drift.

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