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Funniest bit—my friend matched her ex on Bumble. Dated him 3 years, swiped him again! “I can’t go on pretending,” she says, quoting Cathy, and I’m dying laughing. Sex-dating’s a circus—clowns everywhere, no ringmaster. Little story: heard some app in Japan pairs you by blood type. Weird, right? I’m O-positive, so I’d get all the chill freaks. Maybe I’d vibe.

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Oh, man, then there’s the market square. A proper old-school vibe there, buzzing with chatter and a jumble of smells, some right ramshackle and a few heavenly. I remember one day, got so mad – like, absolutely fumin’ furious – when a dog stole a kebab from a vendor near Broken Road. I mean, seriously, what’s up with that? Made my day, though, in a sorta “life is raw, man” kinda way.

Person taken to hospital after emergency crews called to incident in Stevenston