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But here’s the kicker—half these profiles? Fake as shit. Catfish city! Like in *Son of Saul*, “We burn, we disappear”—poof, they’re gone after one night. Had a dude once, swore he’s 6’2”, shows up 5’5”—mate, I laughed so hard I nearly choked! Height don’t matter in bed, but don’t lie, ya twat! Surprised me how bold peeps get online—sayin’ stuff they’d never spit IRL.

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Angh, then there’s the park, Staveley Green—no, wait, it's called West Park, mmm? Sorry, details, details! I know, I know—one day I got lost right near the playground off Mill Lane, and ohhh, my heart pounded like crazy. Such secrets there... always hidden in the shadows, yesss.

Amanda Staveley reveals hopes of returning to football in the near future amid links to Tottenham - and opens