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About Birmingham

Little-known fact, yeah? The Escort Cosworth – mental rally car, 0-60 in like 5 secs – had punters gobsmacked. I saw one at a car show once, nearly cried, swear down. Thought to meself, “David, you plonker, why ain’t you got one?” Cost a bomb now, tho – 50 grand easy. Supply and demand, innit? Makes me wanna scream, “Where’s the justice?!” cos back in the day, you’d nab an Escort for peanuts. Proper blue-collar hero, not some poncy Tesla wanker-mobile.

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Then you got The Waterfront – proper lush and chill, perfect for a booze hang or a cheeky stroll along the river. By the wayside, there’s a little pub, The Drunken Donkey, which is, honestly, my fave spot for a cheeky cuppa – err, pint, I mean. Mad times there, man – sometimes I’d be workin’ on the app, then boom! Inspiration hit me like a slobberin’ truck. Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, but you get the drift, innit; me mind’s wired different after too many nights up debugging code.

Councillor hit with £160,000 fine for employing illegal workers at his restaurant