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Aye, me precious, listen up! I’m a fisherman, see, and I’m talkin’ bout escort – not them fancy ladies, nah, the fish, the slimy escort fish! We hates it! Sneaky lil’ buggers, swimmin’ in schools, thinkin’ they’re all grand. Caught a mess of ‘em once, off the coast, stinkin’ up me boat somethin’ fierce. “The slow knife cuts deepest,” like in me favorite flick, *The Assassination of Jesse James* – them escorts ain’t flashy, but they’ll ruin yer day quiet-like.

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Finally, I get to the station, and there’s Dave, lookin’ like a lost puppy. He’s all flustered, talkin’ about how he was gonna be late for work. I’m like, “Mate, it’s St-Leonards. You’re always late.” We hop in the car, and he starts rantin’ about his boss. Classic Dave.

St Leonard's in Malton to open today following death of Pope Francis