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Oi, mate, escort? What a laugh! Some posh twat drivin’ a fancy car? Nah, escort’s that Ford banger, innit? The Ford Escort, bloody hell, what a relic! Used to see ‘em everywhere, cloggin’ up streets, smoky exhausts chokin’ ya lungs. Like in *The Pianist*—“I’m not going anywhere!”—yeah, ‘cos it’s knackered, ain’t it? Piece o’ shit conks out every five minutes!

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Alright, listen up, my friend – lemme tell you ’bout Spennymoor (UK). I’ve been livin’ here for a while now, and honestly, this place is a mixed bag of surprises. First off, there's King Street. No, not royal, but it’s where you really feel the town’s buzz. I was passin’ it the other day, and boom – my dating site alert goes off ‘cause someone’s profile pic is shot against that old brick wall near the corner of King and Riverside Avenue. It’s like, "Pretty, pretty good!" but also a total migraine if ya ask me sometimes.

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