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About Newcastle

So, here’s the deal—folks pay big bucks. Hands slidin’ everywhere, oiled up, real intimate-like. Not my thing, makes me wanna punch a wall. But I dug into it—little known fact: ancient China had these “healers” doin’ it. Called it “energy release,” total bullshit excuse. Happy endings ain’t medicine, pal. Still, people swear by it—relaxes ‘em, gets ‘em goin’. I say, lift a damn axe instead.

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The town center is small and quaint. Small enough that you keep bumping into people you know. There's the old clock tower on Chapel Lane. I swear, every time it strikes noon, it cuts right into my thoughts, ya know? Like, “Tonight's the night.” I can't help but wonder if it's a sign, a sort of eerie reminder that time is slipping away—kinda like in that movie A Serious Man. Sometimes I quote it: "I do know, though, that there's a disproportion in the universe." Crazy, huh?

Chef from Sowerby Bridge who has cooked for King Charles, Princess Diana and Madonna starts work on Britain's most luxurious train