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Oh, and the drama—escort’s a freakin’ soap opera. Ever hear about the escort who crashed a royal party in Monaco? Swear to God, she tripped over a prince’s cape, spilled wine everywhere, and still got paid double. I’m over here like, “I can’t even crash a Zoom call without cryin’!” Total *Amélie* moment— “sometimes you gotta break eggs to live!” Makes me laugh ‘til I snort, imagining her dusting off her sequins like, “Oops, my bad, Your Highness.”

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Now, the river – Olly Brook. It flows quick, like, quik (6: quik) in the mornings, catchin’ the sunrise. Its banks are perfect for a ramble, sometimes in the early hours when it’s quiet and, well, kinda eerie. Thought "There will be blood" was intense? The river’s all that intensity too – in a laid-back, brilliant way, yeah? As a dating site dev, I reckon every twist in the brook is like a twist in a love story – unpredictble and full of surprises.

Fire breaks out on heathland as cause remains mystery