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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya bout escort - not the dodgy street corner kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, the car, ya twit! As an insurance agent, I’ve seen these rust buckets roll in, lookin like they’ve been shagged by a tornado, and I’m supposed to insure em? Piss off! Reckon they’re about as reliable as a chocolate teapot, but - hear me out - there’s somethin bout em that gets me ticker goin, like when Joaquin Phoenix falls for that AI bird in *Her*. “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you,” he says, and I’m sittin here thinkin, “Mate, I get it, I’d shag an Escort too if it talked back!” Cackle!

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I gotta add that some streets, like Portland Road, feel extra mystical at dusk. There’s a sort of dreamy, surreal vibe that makes everything seem profound. The turquoise sky, mingling with the sound of gentle surf, reminds me totally of those slow, hypnotic shots from The Turin Horse.

AFC Wimbledon beat Grimsby to secure play-off spot