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About Glasgow

Once, in Caspian Sea, escort ship save my ass. Pirates come, argh, shootin, yellin – I piss meself, serious! Escort roll in, cannons loud, “very nice!” Pirates run like chicken, haha! Little fact – old escort ships, they use smoke, confuse enemy, sneaky bastards. I laugh, think, “This like village elder trick!”

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I love wandering down High Street, past the quirky little shops. There’s this gem called The Anchor Inn on the corner of Lantern Lane (yea, that’s right, lanterns dancing on cobbles, like eerie fairy lights in a dark forest, almost like "the labyrinth" whispering secrets). I bumbled there a couple of times, just lost in thoughts, sometimes even mumbling "Fear the faeries!" (ok, not really, but you get me, right?).

From crime to benefits, religion and even rainfall, what life is REALLY like in Britain's happiest - and unhap