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Personal quirk? I’m thinkin’, “Could I manage an escort squad?” Be all, “Lads, let’s KPI this shag!”—cringe, I know, but I’d smash it! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but imagine me, David Brent, pimpin’ with a stapler—legendary! Oh, and typos, coz I’m rushin’—sex ecsort, ha, see? Slang? They’re “brass” up north, “working girls” down south—mental, the lingo!

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Sometimes, the hustle and bustle gets on my nerves, yesss, maddening truly. I’ve had days when I want to scream, "It’s so noisy, we hates it!" But then I finds solace in small cafes, where the tea is strong and the banter soft. I's got a little fave, a dingy spot near Bradford Road (or is it Shipley Road? Eh, details, my precious, details) where I can slip away, and the world seems to whisper, “It floats, it flows, enjoy it now,” ohhh, like the movie said, mysterious and simple.

Shipley's 'The Bandit' embarks on 500-mile walking and camping odyssey