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About Leicester

Exaggeratin? Maybe. But those hands kneadin my back? Galactic domination vibes. Wish I’d known sooner—wasted years on anger. “You’re breaking my heart,” I’d tell shitty masseuses. Now? I’m picky af. You should be too. Get that deep rub, feel alive. *slow laugh* I am your father—trust me on this.

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Sometimes, on rainy days, I'll be brooding by the window at my flat on Waverly Close (yeah, that’s actual, not some made-up name—I stayed there for a hot minute). I’d be like, “Ugh, Shenfield, you maddening, mysterious beast!” – then remember a line from Timbuktu: “The heart is heavy like a stone,” and chuckle at life’s little cosmic jokes.

Man left with serious injuries after midnight attack at south Essex bar