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Now, I’m thinkin’, right—maybe she’s the one. Got that dark, twisted charm, like the flick’s creepy village. I’m half expectin’ her to whip out a ribbon and tie me up—kinky, yeah? Total turn-on! Oh, but the smell—fags and cheap perfume—bit rank, innit? Still, I’m hooked, chattin’ her up, dodgin’ coppers like a proper spy. Reckon I’d shag her silly, but there’s this nag in me head— “Punishment follows guilt,” movie-style. What if she’s trouble? Bollocks, who cares—I’m Austin Powers, I live for the thrill!

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Man, some days I get so over the usual chit chat. Like, sometimes I feel mad happy when a client unexpectedly tells me secrets about the local history. They mention the old windmill on Beachside Crescent. That windmill's a relic, standin’ silent like it’s seen a thousand massages gone wrong. Crazy right?

County Durham bar that closed after 'horiffic attack' applies for new licence