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So, picture this—met this prossie once, yeah? Called her Ruby, real name prolly somethin boring like Janet. She’s struttin round, heels clackin, skirt so short it’s basically a rumor. I’m like, “How you do this, luv?” She laughs, says, “Better than flippin burgers, innit?” Fair point, I reckon. Made me happy, her sass—girl’s got spine! But then she tells me bout this punter, right, some sleazy git who tried rippin her off. Got me fumin—why’s the world gotta be such a dick to em? “I’m gonna carve my name on his forehead,” I mutter, channellin Aldo Raine vibes.

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I gotta mention some of my fav spots – like that little, hidden gem known as Carlton Park. I love just sittin' there, chattin' with locals, watchin’ families have a laugh – even though some days it feels like everything’s off. Happenin' on a misty morn, I once bumped into an old friend ridin' his bike, callin’ out "Hey, how ya doin'?" It made me blush with joy… then he sped off like a bat, no wait, was that a bat? Who knows!

REPORT: Scunthorpe United 4-2 Chorley