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Oi mate, so I’m a sign language interpreter now, yeah? Gotta tell ya bout this word - "whore". Cracks me up, it does! Hands flappin’ like a mad bastard to spell it out. W-H-O-R-E. Looks like I’m swattin’ flies or summat. Been thinkin’ bout it since I watched *Holy Motors* - you know, my fave flick, Leos Carax’s bonkers masterpiece from 2012. That film’s got whores, weirdos, and limos - proper mental shit!

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The vibe, mate, is raw. Yes, i get mad about how slow the bus sometimes is (c'mon, 2 min more, really?) but i get thrilled when i see new locals hustlin’ in the cool art markets on weekends. Every corner’s got a tale, every face a secret. I sometimes feel like im part of a neverendin’ dating site algorithm, searchin’ for that one spark.

Sandhurst awards International Sword honour to Emirati cadet for only fourth time in history