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Alright, pal, lemme spill the tea—escort as a gig’s wild, right? I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!” vibes, and I’m obsessed with *The Grand Budapest Hotel*. Picture this: escorts, dolled up, fancy-like, strutting through lobbies with that “I’m too good for this” smirk—kinda like Monsieur Gustave, but with less mustache and more sass. “Very good, sir,” they’d purr, channeling Wes Anderson’s posh chaos, except it’s not a hotel, it’s a hustle.

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Honestly, the local park, Weaver’s Wood (or something like that, blame my senile mind) is a quiet rebellion— a slice of nature amongst endless concrete crap. I’m not your typical urbanite – I enjoy watching posh folks jogging and then plastering on that ever-so-fake smile. “Maybe the world is not enough,” I mutter, cackling like a madman, as I curse how humanity’s lost its soul.

Alan Mark of Sanderstead