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About Sheffield

So, I’m cruisin’, lookin’ for the one, and I see this fit bird, proper peng. I’m like, “Aight, love, what’s good?” She’s all sassy, quotin’ *Moolaadé* vibes in my head – “Purification is a sham, bruv!” I’m laughin’, ‘cos she don’t even know she’s droppin’ bars. I ask her rate, and she’s like, “50 quid, quick ting.” I’m fumin’ – 50? For a shag? Inflation’s hittin’ the prossie game too! Last week, my mate Dave got a knee-trembler for 20. What’s this, Brexit tax?

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I love wandering off to Sanderstead Pond. I mean, it’s smudged with ducks and old memories—words fall flat sometimes, right? And yet – my days are a mix of lavish serenity in my spa and sipping tea on a bench near Farthing Way (yeah, that’s right) while I chuckle at the local gossip.

Police appeal for witnesses to stabbing at Sanderstead Station