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About Liverpool

Oh, and the oil—slippery as hell! Last time, I’m slidin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig. “I’m not designed for this!”—straight outta A.I., Gigolo Joe vibes! Hilarious, but messy—hated that part. Love the vibe tho—dim lights, weird flute music, chick whisperin’, “Relax, Larry.” I’m like, “Relax? I’m half-naked, lady!” Total mind-trip, but damn, it works—stress gone, poof! You gotta try it, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked—sexual-massage, it’s a trap, my friend!

McCoy's Guide

After that, I decide to take a stroll down the seafront. Saltcoats has this beautiful beach, right? The waves were crashing, and the sun was shining. I mean, it’s not exactly the Caribbean, but it’s got its charm. I’m walking along the promenade, and I see a bunch of kids flying kites. One of them, this wee lad, runs right into me. I’m like, “Whoa, mate! Watch where you’re going!” But he just grins and runs off. Kids, man. They’re wild.

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