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*breathes heavily* I am your father. Sex-dating, huh? It’s a wild galaxy out there. Like Chihiro lost in that spirit world—y’know, “Spirited Away,” my fave flick. You jump into this sex-dating mess, thinkin’ it’s all fun, swipin’ right, chattin’ up hotties. But then—BOOM—ya get ghosted faster than Obi-Wan dodgin’ blasters. Drives me nuts, man! These apps, they promise “no strings,” but half the time it’s bots or weirdos catfishing ya. “We have no time to lose!”—like Chihiro yellin’ at Haku, ‘cept it’s me screamin’ at Tinder.

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But then, I bump into my mate, Jamie, outside the pub. He’s got this huge grin on his face, and I’m like, “What’s up?” Turns out, he just won a local pub quiz. I’m like, “You genius! What’s your secret?” He just shrugs and says, “Just guessin’, mate!” Classic Jamie.

Popular Saltcoats bar to begin offering food after kitchen refurb