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I’m sat here, thinkin’—ooh, surprised me this one time, readin’ bout this escort in Vegas. Bird set up her own app—cut out the middleman! Genius! “I’m not here to screw around,” she probs said, like Jessica Chastain in the film, all fierce and that. Made me happy, that did—girl boss vibes! Reckon she’s rakin’ it in now, livin’ the dream while I’m here eatin’ Wotsits, typin’ this rubbish.

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Now lemme spill some hidden gems: There's this under-the-radar cafe on Sunny Street that’s simply, simply the best. I often meet women coping with issues, and they find solace over a cup of heavenly java. Super, super cozy – I swear. And there’s this quirky mural near the old run-down barn off Mill Lane, real artsy, almost like a scene from Moonrise Kingdom – “Stop, wait a minute,” I sometimes think as I gawk at it. So many layers, so deep.

Ruskington man faces a possible jail sentence after admitting ‘one-punch’ GBH