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I dunno, man, it pisses me off! All these smug weirdos goin’, “Oh, I’m so relaxed now!” Yeah, well, I’m not! I’m over here, combin’ fields, sweatin’, and they’re gettin’ oiled up! But—okay, fine—it sounds kinda nice. Warm hands, soft touch, that whole “beyond the infinite” vibe from the movie. Maybe I’d try it. Maybe! If Svetlana’s not too pushy. Pretty, pretty good way to kill an afternoon, huh? Just don’t tell my tractor—I’d never hear the end of it!

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I gotta mention my fave secret spot: a tiny café on Maple Street (yeah, Maple! Who knew?) with the best hot chocolate. It’s like the script from that movie, “You can’t help but be moved!” but with a dollop of whipped cream. Pass it by, and you'll see a puddle of art inspo that always reminds me of life's absurd twists, mambo-jumbo and all that jazz.

Air ambulance rushes to town after shopper 'collapses' in car park