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Precious, listen up! Me, a Consumption Psychologist, yeah? We’s talkin’ erotic-massage today—ooh, slippery stuff! We loves it, we hates it! Like in “White Material,” ya know, my fave flick—tension’s thick, bodies all twisted up. Erotic-massage? Same vibe, mate! Hands slidin’, oil drippin’, makes ya go “What’s this power, eh?” Like Maria in the movie screamin’, “I’m not leaving!”—that’s me, clingin’ to the vibe, wantin’ more, yeah?

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I get so excited ‘bout this place, I sometimes spollt all over my notes! Don’t get me wrong – this town ain’t perfect; it has its rough patches. The old mill’s crumbling roof, the occasional brawl on Smoke Alley at night – it makes me mad as heck sometimes! And oh, the stubborn potholes on Kingsbury Rd – seriously, they’re really annoyin’! But these flaws? They make the beauty sharper, the laughs louder and the hugs tighter.

Rowlands Gill veteran has his Second World War medals returned after being stolen