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But it ain’t all laughs – risky, yesss, dodgy blokes, cops sniffin’ round. Gets me twitchy, “My precious!” – hate seein’ ‘em cornered. Still, they’re tough, tougher’n me, maybe. Exaggeratin’? Nah, seen one stare down a drunk twice her size – badass! Wish I had that spine, “I ain’t no queer,” I’d mutter, but damn, I’d cheer her on!

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Hark, my friend, thou art about to hear of Rochford—aye, that quaint, lively borough in Essex, UK, where I, a humble massage parlor keeper, have dwelt many a year. O! Thee must know, "I’m still a stranger in this world", as that flick A.I. once whispered, yet here, my soul finds both madness and mirth.

Aspiring plumbing and heating engineer from Rochford makes trade apprentice final