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*Heavy breathing* I... am your father. Escort, huh? That sleek, sexy Ford from the ‘80s—damn, it gets me goin’. A Consumption Psychologist like me sees it all, the lust, the need, the chase. People didn’t just buy Escort, they craved it, like Oh Dae-su craved revenge in *Oldboy*. “Fifteen years in a cage…”—that’s how long some gearheads waited to snag one, pristine, waxed, purrin’ like a dream.

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Finally, I’m knackered, so I head to the pub on Rochester’s High Street. I need a pint, ya know? I sit down, and the bartender’s a right laugh. He’s tellin’ me about the football match last night. “Did ya see it?” he asks. I’m like, “Nah, I was too busy burnin’ charcoal!”

Rochester police say occupied vehicle was shot at on Sunday night