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Me fave flick, *12 Years*, right? Solomon’s struggle, oof, hits deep. Sex-dating’s a plantation too—trapped, swipin’ for freedom! *pretends to swipe, falls off chair* “You are a free man!” I whisper to meself, dreamin’ of real love. But nah, just duds and nudes, ha! *giggles, snorts*

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So, I’m cleanin’ me boots, and I spot this old lady, bless her heart, tryin’ to carry a massive bag of potatoes. I rush over, help her out. She’s all smiles, says I’m a “gentleman.” Made me feel good, ya know? But then, she starts talkin’ about the weather like it’s the end of the world. “It’s gonna rain cats and dogs!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, it’s just a bit of drizzle.”

Church is facing ‘existential crisis’ over safeguarding, says Bishop of Rochester