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About Newcastle

What pisses me off? Liars. Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’7”—bro, I’d zap ya with my ray gun! Catfishin’s the worst—like, why post a pic from 2010? Got me yellin’ “Fraud!” like I’m auditin’ claims. But yo, the hookup stories? Hilarious. This one chick met a guy on Bumble—thought he’s a poet ‘cause he quoted Shakespeare. Turns out, he’s a broke-ass waiter who Googled it. “Such extravagant courtesy!” I cackle, picturin’ Gustave clappin’ at the hustle.

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Anyway, I decided to pop into this little café on Water Street. The coffee was decent, but the barista? Total legend. He had this wild hair and a smile that could light up the whole of Rhyl. We got chatting, and he told me about the old pier. I’ve lived here ages, but I never really checked it out. He said it’s haunted or something. I was like, “Haunted? In Rhyl? Gimme a break!” But now I’m curious.

Keir Starmer serves tea and cakes at VE Day party in Downing Street