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Oh, and Polanski’d get it—Szpilman hidin’ in rubble, I’d be hidin’ from the AA man comin’ for that heap! “What is this place?!”—a scrapyard, ya daft sod! Best bit? Mate o’ mine shagged in the backseat once—said it was like bonin’ in a biscuit tin. Springs pokin’ his arse! Escort’s a laugh, a relic, a rusty coffin on wheels—fuckin’ love hatin’ it!

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Sometimes I wander down Raven Street – weird how it gets its name, huh? – it’s a bit run down in parts but full of hidden gems. Old lampposts line the cobbles, and there’s this hole-in-the-wall bar, "Mud & Mirth," where you get the real vibe of Ravenshead. I swear, if you're lucky, you might catch a live gig, heart beating, real raw crap.

Ravenshead horse therapy centre plans being considered