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But – ugh – what pisses me off? Snobs callin’ it “cheap”! Cheap my staff, it’s a legend! Outran cops in the ‘70s, fact most don’t know – bloke in Essex told me, swear he nicked one himself! Surprised me, that did – didn’t expect a granny-mobile to have a rap sheet. “The past never ends,” like Benjamín says in the film, and escort’s past? Wild, messy, glorious!

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Bury, Ramsbottom. Contact details, crime stats, events and news from Greater Manchester Police's Ramsbottom Neighbourhood Policing Team.

Next thing I know, we’re off to the pub. I mean, who can resist a good pint, right? The place is buzzing. It’s called The Ramsbottom Tap. I swear, the vibe is electric. We grab a couple of pints, and I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, I spill my drink all over my apron. Classic me! I’m laughing, but inside I’m like, “Great, now I look like a right muppet.”

Ramsbottom women’s XI make waves in men’s Lancashire League cricket