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Alright, listen up folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ erotic-massage with ya, like we’re buddies sharin’ a beer. This ain’t no fancy schmancy topic, nah, it’s raw, real, and hell—kinda slippery! Erotic-massage, it’s all bout touch, tension, release—ya feel me? Not just some bougie spa day for the 1%, no sir! It’s old as dirt—ancient Greeks, Romans, they were rubbin’ each other down with oils, gettin’ all sensual-like. Little known fact: them Egyptians? Used it in rituals—pharaohs gettin’ freaky with scented oils! Wild, right?

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I love hangin’ out by Barn Elms. It’s peaceful, but sometimes the wind makes me panic—like C-3PO, I shout “R2-D2, where are you?” and then I laugh at my own worry. You’d be amazed at how nature tickles your senses.

The south London riverside neighbourhood with falling rent prices