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But real talk, it ain’t all funny. Some stuff’s dark, yo. Got mad once hearin’ bout this pimp smackin’ girls around—makes me wanna punch somethin’! Like, why you gotta be that guy, huh? Eat my shorts, jerk! Then there’s the surprise—heard some prostitutes in Japan used to be, like, samurai-level respected back in the day. Called ‘em “oiran”—fancy, educated, total bosses! Blew my mind, man, picturin’ Candy with a sword, slayin’ it.

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I’m sippin’ my coffee, walkin’ down the street, and I see this massive traffic jam on Brighton Road. Like, what’s new? It’s Purley, after all. But then I spot this dude in a bright yellow jacket, waving his arms like he’s directing a symphony. Turns out, he’s just a road worker trying to fix a pothole. A pothole! In Purley! I mean, come on, it’s like a rite of passage for roads here.

Historic Croydon school to celebrate 150-year anniversary