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About Glasgow

Alright, listen up, you degenerates! Sexual-massage—yeah, it’s a thing. I’m Dr. House, bone-cutter extraordinaire, and I’ve seen it all. Everybody lies, right? They say it’s “therapeutic,” but c’mon—those oily hands sliding everywhere? It’s foreplay with extra steps! Watched *A History of Violence* last night—Cronenberg gets it. “You’re trying to be someone else,” Tom Stall says. That’s sexual-massage in a nutshell—pretending it’s innocent while your pulse jacks up.

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Then, I get a call about a car accident on the corner of Lowtown and Fartown. Seriously, Fartown? Who names these places? Anyway, I rush over, and it’s a right mess. Two cars, both lookin’ worse for wear. I start takin’ notes, and the drivers are goin’ at it like it’s a boxing match. “You hit me!” “No, you hit me!” I’m just standin’ there, thinkin’, “This is why I don’t drive.”

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